So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
