We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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