maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
