Someone shit on the floor
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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