Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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