i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
