I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
