he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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