Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
