Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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