that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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