Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
