i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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