I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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