I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
