girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize