First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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