no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
