it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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