I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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