your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
