i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
