I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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