Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
