well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
