So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
