god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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