we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
