the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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