what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
