Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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