Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
