I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
