So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
