woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
