I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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