This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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