Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
third nipple confirmed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
