Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
