I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
