now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
