Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
