dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
