absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
