my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
