if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
