He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
