I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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