Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
