I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
