u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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