i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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