mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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