well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
