You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
