it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
