we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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