I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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