i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
