If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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