he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
