hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
