she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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