Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
