the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
