I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
