Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
