I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize