u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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