Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
