I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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