You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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