Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
