Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize