theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
