Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize